Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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