btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
