I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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