paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
