I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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