Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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