Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What a dumb baby whore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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