Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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