you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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