it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize