just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
