Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
