Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
