the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
