Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
