If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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