Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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