get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
