About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
