neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
