I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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