you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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