Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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