She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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