No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
