How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
