I just pynch a tree in the face
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Boobs speak an international language.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
