That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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