Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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