Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
