please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
