you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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