Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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