wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
