Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
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I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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