After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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