just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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