im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
