I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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