He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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