I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize