My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I need a beard to bite.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
