what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
