wanna go halves on a baby?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
