I am spending my child support on dildos
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
