all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
