Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
