I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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