Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
