If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
