if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
