bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
