OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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