Plan B is the new Plan A
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
