dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
