If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
