There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
