I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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