Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize