I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
