Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
