I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
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Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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