So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
