oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Randomize
