I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have already put on my inside pants.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
