Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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