I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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