Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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