after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
