Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
