last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
