all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
