why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
