that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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