I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
