she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
