if i can run in heels then i can drive
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
