Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
