he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
