Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
