I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
