whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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