I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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