I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
