The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
