I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so let's talk penis.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
