Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
