you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
